Life = good

[chelidon]

I realized that I've been choosing to use too much time lately bellyaching about various things that piss me off about the world as it is, and it's way past time to be damn grateful for what I have, where I am, and who I am with. So these are some of the many, many things I'm grateful for right now. I have to force myself to do this, though. For whatever perverse reason, complaining about things in my life would be perfectly acceptable, but talking about the good things is harder. It feels like bragging, and it feels dangerous, as if saying some of what I love about my life risks calling down the wrath of the gods for daring to be happy, daring to dive headlong into life and drink deeply of all of the joy and love there is to be found there. Somehow, speaking the good things seems prideful, but speaking the bad is humble. The Hel with that. I find true humility goes hand in hand with genuine, honest gratitude. I hear and participate far too often in the inspiral no-win game of who works harder, who gets less sleep, whose life is more hectic and out of control, who is more tired and unhappy and miserable, who can be more the martyr. No. Instead, I choose an attitude of gratitude for all the good things in my life, in deep humility, and with the intent that by speaking and being profoundly grateful for the things that make me happy, I can inspire, evoke, and manifest more and more of these things in my life. Like attracts like. So mote it be.

You deserve each and every good thing, each and every good moment, each precious luscious drop of joy in your life. And if there are things, large and small in your life where you are dissatisfied, unhappy, discontent, you deserve to be able to try to change them. You deserve to let yourself be happy. You can be. Truly.

A partial list of totally miscellaneous daily gratitudes, neither the most significant events in my life, nor the least:

-- working from home all day, writing and editing and researching, chewing through assignments -- I put up something like 20 articles today. Yeah, many were things I'd been working on for a while, or minor edits, but still. And there's a pretty reasonable chance that I've set things on a path to just about double my income sometime in the next month or two. If that happens, it'll mean I can get the land here put together the way I want to-- much, much sooner than I'd hoped. All appendages are crossed.

--My partner and one of my Lovely Housemates just finished laying down some beautiful sea green ceramic tile in the entryway of the house, continuing to make where we live a place of beauty everywhere you look, an oasis for the senses, and a balm for the heart and soul. I can hear the tile saw I got for them cutting away right now, building beauty. Tomorrow inbetween writing work, I'll lay more oak floor, and pick up some more lumber.

--Another Lovely Housemate is in the process of cooking up a couple of huge trays of fresh spanikopita, and I'm chilling a bottle of dry cyser (honey wine and cider apples) to go with it from one of the batches of mead I bottled on Sunday. I eagerly anticipate the feast of the senses to come. The same housemate just made up a batch of homemade guacamole that is making my mouth have multiple orgasms as I write this.

--My son came back from swimming in the stream with my partner, and after drying off, he came upstairs and read me a new book he got from the school library, from front to back, with no help from me whatsoever. He was so proud. His reading and math are way ahead of his age, and he is as in love with reading and learning as he is in love with life. And then he came upstairs with some popcorn to share with me, because he thought I might like that. Tonight I get to read another chapter of the first Harry Potter book to him, which he is eating up like a starving person, hanging on every word. And I love that he loves it, and I love getting to do dramatic readings for him. And I cherish each precious day with him, because it won't be too long before he doesn't want to spend time with dad as much as he wants to spend time with his buddies and then his partners.

--One of my Lovely Housemates made up a shampoo tonight from a porter (beer) base with all kinds of herbs and essential oils, and the upstairs bathroom smells delicious (as well as her hair, of course)

--It got up to something like 86 degrees today (yes, I know, you more southerly folk are hardly moved to tears, but I was melting here ;>), but now there's a delightful cool breeze coming in through the window, and tomorrow's forecast high is a much more seasonable 75 degrees. I can smell the lilacs blooming outside when the wind is right. The crickets have started their nightly chorus, and the peepers and frogs are calling out their hopeful love songs, and I saw my first lightning bug of the season today.

--I just downloaded four new albums of traditional Celtic music (Andy Stewart, Patrick Street and a 2-album Green Linnet compilation) from one of the best-kept secrets (and best deals) in (legal) music downloading, eMusic.com. Three more albums of the same (Altan, Solas and Karen Casey) showed up from Amazon today, too. The music of some of my people -- joyous, mad, bitter, raucous, melancholy, and sweet, so very, very sweet. My ears are happy.

--For a Father's Day present, I bought a West African Krin drum (log/slit drum) from the folks I'm doing Malinke drumming sessions with, and will be spending a day with them in a couple of weeks learning the traditional techniques used to play it. Yum.

--I spent last night with some geographically distant blood relatives who were passing through that I have met only briefly before, and somewhat to my surprise, found that they are delightful people, and I loved getting the chance to cook for them and share mead and stories and find out more about who they are. It's always interesting seeing our lives through the eyes of people who haven't been here before. Partially because of how much time I spend here on the land now, I sometimes forget how far the way we live is from "normal." And I relish and am so grateful for that delightful abnormality.

--I found out today from one of my Lovely Housemates (who worked today distributing benefits for WIC -- the Women Infants and Children Nutrition Services program) that the WIC program in this state provides Farmers' Market coupons for participants to purchase fresh fruits, vegetables and herbs at participating Farmers' Markets throughout the state. It's not a lot, but it's such a nifty thing that the program exists at all. Some of the local farmers also donate excess produce, cheese, and so on to the program, too, so it can be given away to those who need it. Imagine -- not the bottom of the barrel, not nasty military surplus cheese and wilted or boiled and canned produce, but wonderful farm-fresh cheese, and just-picked fresh fruit and vegetables. There's dignity there, and healthy food for those in need.

--The new moon rising, which should make for spectacular stars tonight. After 13 years in a major metro area, going outside and seeing the stars as they were meant to be, as they were seen by my ancestors fills me with joy. My son will grow up knowing nothing else -- a billion glorious stars in the ink-black heavens, instead of just 50 or 100 outshone by the incessant city glow and endless streetlamps, will be normal for him, as it was for me, looking up from the remote desert of southwestern Arizona when I was his age.

--Over the next couple of weeks I will get to see two dear old friends I've known for 15-20 years but not seen for several, except briefly a couple of years ago at the funeral of another old friend, because they're moving into the area; I'll get to visit with a precious friend of almost 20 years who lives in Boston, but who we rarely see, and a former housemate, coven-sister, and the widow of the person whose funeral I mentioned above will be coming to live with us for a while until she finds her own place nearby. Tribes, flocking, and the nature of true community has been much in my mind lately.

Gratitude fills me, gratitude feeds me, gratitude gives back some of what I have been given, opens the flow of lifeforce between the universe and I, and prepares me to be open to feeling worthy of accepting even more.

And as if to prove my words true, a Lovely Housemate just came up the stairs and informed me that "the remaining guacamole is in dire jeopardy." That's my cue to send this entry and go accept more bounty into my life ;>

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[kiramor.livejournal.com]

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