I'd *never*...
May. 19th, 2005 10:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chelidonA random bit of magicko-psychological theory --
A number of people I know have noticed that one of the surest ways to provoke a response from the universe is to utter the fateful words (especially in the presence of witnesses), "I'd never..." or "I could never," followed by a statement of something which is supposedly personally impossible or unimaginable. More often than not, the universe conspires to make just exactly that imposible thing happen, in some unexpectedly perverse way or another. I've noted this to be true, for myself, and many others I know. Maybe you have too. So why is this?
I suspect on one level it has to do with Time, with synchronicity. What I do *not* believe is that there is some all-powerful cosmic deity of Irony sitting up there, saying, "oh YEAH? We'll just SEE about that..." As much as it often appears to work this way (and it does appeal to my rather dark sense of ironic humor), I'm not quite so self-centered as to envison ultra-powerful beings who have nothing better to do than keep tabs on me and mess with my head, any more than I believe in an individual personal karma adjudicated by all-powerful deities watching our every move, noting each act into infallible books of cosmic accounting. Karma does happen, no doubt about it, but it's a natural, self-perpetuating law, that operates on an environmental rather than a personal level, not requiring outside intervention (and that's another topic...)
What I suspect is happening with the "I'd never" phenomenon is that that part of myself which is timeless is sending me a message that I'm entering a new probability field. I'm being given an opportunity for growth (dammit), by working on a place where I'm closed, where energy is tangled up and constricted. It's not that saying "I'd never" instigates the event, it's more that the fact that the "I'd never" thought came into my head is a signpost or a warning that something's on the way. I'm learning to pay attention to these thoughts, as perhaps the clue-tap that comes prior to the apearance of the clue-slap and the clue-brick, the clue-by-four, etc.
Another, more psychological way of looking at it is that the statement "I'd never..." indicates that whatever is being thought of matters to me, that there is energy invested in it, and it's close enough to the surface to bring it to mind in the form of an unambiguous and forceful asssertion. Energy seeks its own release, and so that particular topic is one where some amount of internal stress or pressure has been created by a constriction of energy (that constriction or boundary may be positive or negative, but either way, it's there). If I didn't really care about the topic, if some part of me wasn't actively wrestling with it on some level, the thought would not have come to mind.
There is also power in utterances, in oaths, in boundaries, sometimes a great deal of power. But it occurs to me that "I'd never..." is a negative assertion -- it states what I do not desire (or believe I do not desire), what I am against, not what I am for. Knowing what I am not, what I will not do, can be useful, but that same energy might be more productively put into a positive assertion of what I Will do.
As a very dear friend of mine who is going through her own deep turmoils right now said to me some years ago, when it was her turn to counsel and support me, and I was bitching that I couldn't believe someone I cared about had acted in very hurtful ways -- she noted that anyone is capable of anything, under the right (or wrong) circumstances. It's quite true, we're all capable of acting in ways which are very hurtful and damaging to ourselves and others, just as much as we can be constructive and healing. There is demon and angel in all of us, and intention, inclination and circumstances all play key roles in determining what comes forth at any particular point in time. Knowing myself in all of my parts includes knowing those parts of myself capable of acting in ways I may not like or be proud of.
That realization feeds my compassion, for myself, and for others. Which is not to say that it makes for a perpetually blank slate, forgiveness doesn't equal forgetfulness, and someone who doesn't use their past experience to affect future actions is a careless fool, not a saint. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, etc. But still -- compassion, forgiveness, for oneself and others, is an essential tool which can be used to free up energy trapped in old patterns of pain and grief, so it's possible to move on and not be bound by chains of sameness. Perhaps, in some sense, that's the real purpose of "I'd never..." -- to show where some of those patterns exist, and indicate an opportunity for growth (dammit).
All of that said, I will say here in front of whomever witnesses it, "I'd never win the lottery and have millions of dollars" ;> so there.
A number of people I know have noticed that one of the surest ways to provoke a response from the universe is to utter the fateful words (especially in the presence of witnesses), "I'd never..." or "I could never," followed by a statement of something which is supposedly personally impossible or unimaginable. More often than not, the universe conspires to make just exactly that imposible thing happen, in some unexpectedly perverse way or another. I've noted this to be true, for myself, and many others I know. Maybe you have too. So why is this?
I suspect on one level it has to do with Time, with synchronicity. What I do *not* believe is that there is some all-powerful cosmic deity of Irony sitting up there, saying, "oh YEAH? We'll just SEE about that..." As much as it often appears to work this way (and it does appeal to my rather dark sense of ironic humor), I'm not quite so self-centered as to envison ultra-powerful beings who have nothing better to do than keep tabs on me and mess with my head, any more than I believe in an individual personal karma adjudicated by all-powerful deities watching our every move, noting each act into infallible books of cosmic accounting. Karma does happen, no doubt about it, but it's a natural, self-perpetuating law, that operates on an environmental rather than a personal level, not requiring outside intervention (and that's another topic...)
What I suspect is happening with the "I'd never" phenomenon is that that part of myself which is timeless is sending me a message that I'm entering a new probability field. I'm being given an opportunity for growth (dammit), by working on a place where I'm closed, where energy is tangled up and constricted. It's not that saying "I'd never" instigates the event, it's more that the fact that the "I'd never" thought came into my head is a signpost or a warning that something's on the way. I'm learning to pay attention to these thoughts, as perhaps the clue-tap that comes prior to the apearance of the clue-slap and the clue-brick, the clue-by-four, etc.
Another, more psychological way of looking at it is that the statement "I'd never..." indicates that whatever is being thought of matters to me, that there is energy invested in it, and it's close enough to the surface to bring it to mind in the form of an unambiguous and forceful asssertion. Energy seeks its own release, and so that particular topic is one where some amount of internal stress or pressure has been created by a constriction of energy (that constriction or boundary may be positive or negative, but either way, it's there). If I didn't really care about the topic, if some part of me wasn't actively wrestling with it on some level, the thought would not have come to mind.
There is also power in utterances, in oaths, in boundaries, sometimes a great deal of power. But it occurs to me that "I'd never..." is a negative assertion -- it states what I do not desire (or believe I do not desire), what I am against, not what I am for. Knowing what I am not, what I will not do, can be useful, but that same energy might be more productively put into a positive assertion of what I Will do.
As a very dear friend of mine who is going through her own deep turmoils right now said to me some years ago, when it was her turn to counsel and support me, and I was bitching that I couldn't believe someone I cared about had acted in very hurtful ways -- she noted that anyone is capable of anything, under the right (or wrong) circumstances. It's quite true, we're all capable of acting in ways which are very hurtful and damaging to ourselves and others, just as much as we can be constructive and healing. There is demon and angel in all of us, and intention, inclination and circumstances all play key roles in determining what comes forth at any particular point in time. Knowing myself in all of my parts includes knowing those parts of myself capable of acting in ways I may not like or be proud of.
That realization feeds my compassion, for myself, and for others. Which is not to say that it makes for a perpetually blank slate, forgiveness doesn't equal forgetfulness, and someone who doesn't use their past experience to affect future actions is a careless fool, not a saint. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, etc. But still -- compassion, forgiveness, for oneself and others, is an essential tool which can be used to free up energy trapped in old patterns of pain and grief, so it's possible to move on and not be bound by chains of sameness. Perhaps, in some sense, that's the real purpose of "I'd never..." -- to show where some of those patterns exist, and indicate an opportunity for growth (dammit).
All of that said, I will say here in front of whomever witnesses it, "I'd never win the lottery and have millions of dollars" ;> so there.
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no subject
Date: 2005-05-19 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-19 04:47 pm (UTC)she noted that anyone is capable of anything, under the right (or wrong) circumstances. It's quite true, we're all capable of acting in ways which are very hurtful and damaging to ourselves and others, just as much as we can be constructive and healing. There is demon and angel in all of us, and intention, inclination and circumstances all play key roles in determining what comes forth at any particular point in time. Knowing myself in all of my parts includes knowing those parts of myself capable of acting in ways I may not like or be proud of.
Amen to that. My first camp experience was like that (with me being the damaging one) and thank the gods I have the kinds of friends who were able to weather that with me -- and all of us came out of the other side the better for it.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-19 05:24 pm (UTC)Meanwhile, back at the Triple Soul ranch, it comes to mind that the Fetch supposedly doesn't understand concepts like "no" in the way that really small children may only hear the "McDonalds" portion of "no McDonalds," or like the dog in that Far Side cartoon hears everything except the negative. So I wonder if saying "I never" followed by X is a way of putting X front-and-center for our Fetch (which is, of course, in direct communication with our God Self).
My nickel, FWIW.
Oh, yeah -
I'll never drink another margarita.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-19 09:16 pm (UTC)*rolls eyes* Oi, tell me about it. Glad if my words helped!
no subject
Date: 2005-05-19 09:21 pm (UTC)Gosh yes. The universe always, always can exceed our finite expectations. Like saying "could be worse...could be raining" when you're hiking ;> (you'll place the quote if you've seen Young Frankenstein, another Casa Chaos standard)...bad idea.
We all try, and do the best we can, even if occasionally that "best" doesn't always seem very good at all. Ya makes yer choices, takes yer lumps or yer kudos, try to integrate it, and move on to the next adventure...
no subject
Date: 2005-05-19 09:24 pm (UTC)lol. Just that phrase made me smile.
Very interesting observation, by the way, thanks. And there's psychological truth to it as well -- bringing the matter up, even in a negative assertion, still means it's up.
And I'll never help ya drink those margeritas, neither.
What folks are capable of.
Date: 2005-05-21 01:10 am (UTC)I have gotten this particular message loud and clear lately. My intentions were one thing and the result was another thing entirely. It is also interesting what you had to say about forgiving, not forgetting. Yeah, but.... I don't think that we really get the whole forgiveness thing right by half unless someone gets a clean slate entirely. Not a slate with a tiny reminder at the bottom in the small print.
As far as the situation I spoke of earlierg goes, I'd be interested in your opinion. Here was what I thought was happening
Intention - to be of assistance, to be *helpful*
Because I love both of the people:
Inclination - being a Protectress, on *both* sides
What happened:
Circumstance - getting caught up in the "blame game" in my own mind
So, do you have similar problems when you try to be there for your friends? Do you get lost in the drama and forget that on the other side of the fence is also someone you care about?
It sucks, and yeah, I probably could be accused of saying, "I'd *never* be so unfair or critical."
Re: What folks are capable of.
Date: 2005-05-21 09:39 pm (UTC)I think I know just what you mean. And it's a natural part of being human, too, I've certainly been there myself. I can chat more, feel free to email if you want to.