a real hoot

[chelidon]

Those of you who have slogged through AE Waite will probably enjoy this, sent to me earlier today by one of my lovely housemates:

The S e v e n t h R a y' s " H o w- t o Series"
*Secrets of the World's Worst Writers* -----
or How To Quadruple Your Output While Significantly Reducing Your
Content.* (from The Seventh Ray, Book II, The Red Ray)
Copyright 2001 by C.H.S., Inc.


For over a hundred years students of esoteric lore have struggled to
fathom the writings of Arthur Edward Waite. Many have given up all
hope of understanding these 'Waitey' tomes because they can't figure
out what he was trying to say or even why he was trying to say it.
( I recall a similar feeling after reading four pages on Knorr von
Rosenroth in Waite's THE HOLY KABBALAH which contained absolutely
no information on von Rosenroth, his writings, or the kabbalah! )
However, there is a simple explanation: Arthur Edward Waite was not
writing in English! The language he used appears to be English to the
untrained eye, but actually it is an obscure dialect known to
philologists and antiquarians as "West Anglican Curmudgeon"( W.A.C. ).

This patois uses an English vocabulary restricted to words of no less
than five syllables, and follows a rigid rule that no statement can
be made without a descriptive clause added to qualify its premise, and
further define each noun and verb employed in all of its possible
implications. Punctuation is expanded to accommodate this
requirement.
This grammatical structure is difficult to follow until one realizes
that Ciceronian Latin construction is being used in place of English
grammar. (Latin students will recall that Cicero was the inventor of
the run-on sentence.) Now in Arthur Edward Waite's case the use of
W.A.C. is all the more remarkable when we realize that Waite himself
was not English. He was a lowly 'Colonial' determined to out do his
British mentors in obscurantism and verbosity. If there were trophies
to be won in this area, he would certainly have brought back the
gold!

As a useful illustration of this literary methodology I will
translate a simple English sentence into West Anglican Curmudgeon. (Note how
each noun and verb in the English sentence is expanded and qualified
in W.A.C. This is an easy technique to learn, enabling you to expand
short articles into 500 page books once you get the hang of it! )

In English: -- "the boy walked to the store, and bought a loaf of
bread."

In W.A.C.: -- "At some unspecified time, and at an equally indeter-
minate location, it has been alleged by sources we may
presume to credit -- at least within the parameters of this
discussion -- that a male, supposedly well under the term of his majority, (and,
being so described, we can further assume that he had been
funded for his purpose ), did make his way via perambulation to a
commercial establishment where we are to suppose provisions were to
be obtained; and having so arrived he is further said to have
purchased, for an undisclosed sum, a standard measure of baked goods; most
probably bread as the term "loaf" has been suggested in this context,
but not confirmed -- yet we can, for all practical purposes concede
the probability that the quantity of victuals may not have exceeded this
single increment in light of the routine nature of the errand, the
lack of auxiliary conveyance, as implied in the means of
transportation described, and the restricted pecuniary allotments
most commonly assigned to those of such tender years; but to reach
any more specific conclusions based upon the few facts available would
perhaps be imprudent."


As this issue goes to press it has been rumored that Arthur Edward
Waite's great grandson Phineas Ersamus Waite is translating Pauline
Reage's sado-masochistic French novel *Story of O* into West Anglican
Curmudgeon. P. E. feels that in so-doing he will capture the ultimate
essence of the tale by subjecting his readers to more pain and
frustration than the total sum of all tortures and degradations the
author inflicted upon her unfortunate heroine.


****Submitted as a pubic service. *****

Comments

[christeos-pir.livejournal.com]

I hate to say it, but the example above is a veritable paragon of clarity and succinctitude compared with the turgid yet indomitable Mr. Arthwaite.

[chelidon.livejournal.com]

Indeed, 'tis true.

::gazes across at bookshelf and shakes head at copy of Hermetic and Alchemical Writings of Paracelcus, one of his less obtuse works::

[mystfemme.livejournal.com]

I think my brain just exploded.

[chelidon.livejournal.com]

is that a good or a bad thing? *grin*

[mystfemme.livejournal.com]

Yes