Serious Witch Craft

[chelidon]

Yes, that was the title of the following spam I got in my inbox today, "Serious Witch Craft." Okay, I admit, I had to read it. And then I had to giggle, especially at the signature. Oi. ;)

But gosh, here I am missing out on, "new, devastatingly powerful witchcraft secrets taught to you at no charge!" Such a deal! And maybe he'll toss in a free map to join him in the no-doubt highly mystical city of Ciaro, Egypt! And those seven days of "private lessions" that cause "hot streams of excitement," who could pass up such a...hey, wait a minute, I hope he didn't mean 7 days of "private lesions," or worse, 7 days of "privates lesions"... Yikes. Maybe better not chance it.

Y'know, I bet he makes some good money off this, too... ...there but for the grace of the Goddess and an annoying sense of personal ethics go I. Yet another chance to hit the jackpot missed. Ah, well. At least, y'know, I Be Blessed With Powers of Magic. That's something. *giggle*

-------
Hey -

Have you seen the new movie "Wicker Man" yet? All of the country is
abuzz about Witchcraft - the power to cast effective spells that
make your wildest dreams come true! Love, power, money, revenge...
it's all finally yours... *IF* you know the secret spells, that is!

I'm writing you today to invite you to my special one-time event - a
free 7-day private lessions Online Course that is causing hot
streams of excitement among magick apprentices all over... you'll
see why:

http://(blahblahblah...)

Visit my site... and from now on, each day for the next 7 days, you'll
get (at the privacy of your own e-mail address)... new, devastatingly
powerful witchcraft secrets taught to you at no charge!

In fact, if you sign up among the first 500 people, three (3) Old
Witchcraft Spell Samples That You Can Use Right-Away, will be
yours immediately at no charge (yes it's ALL free):

http://(blahblahblah...)

[Please note that my event is of temporary nature; please don't
delay your decision to receive your complimentary 7-day private
lessons in wtchcraft.]

You Be Blessed
With Powers of Magick,

Bob Andrews
[Currently near Ciaro, Egypt]

Comments

[idragosani.livejournal.com]

You're sure his name isn't Emilius Brown and he lives in an abandoned house in London?

[chelidon.livejournal.com]

Ha! Took me a minute to place the name. One of my favorite movies, too.

[idragosani.livejournal.com]

Yes, indeed, required viewing!

[snakey.livejournal.com]

But they were just nonsense words I got out of an old book!

[chelidon.livejournal.com]

Ah, now I know your sekret!

[my-tallest.livejournal.com]

It's probably deeply racist of me to think this, and I apologize, but the switch of Blessed Be into "You Be Blessed" totally made me imagine this guy as a gangsta. A hip hop warlock, if you will.

Bust a spell in your ass.

[chelidon.livejournal.com]

Word (of Power) up to yer Goddess ;>

I spent a semester in an anthropology class studing emergent urban linguistics (BEV - Black English Vernacular, Turkish boy's verbal street dueling, etc), along with pidgins, patois, etc. BEV has pretty complex syntactical rules, very interesting how languages evolve!

[chelidon.livejournal.com]

...and I have to admit, that last line (besides making me giggle) took me down a whole train of thought about suppository spells...

[artemis112.livejournal.com]

Ooh. I like the "devastatingly powerful witchcraft secrets" part. Maybe I should put that on my website.

I tell you, it's all in the marketing. (Oh--and the lack of ethics.) But the marketing, man... that's where it's at!

[artemis112.livejournal.com]

Oh, and maybe I should move from Chciago to Ciaro. :)

[chelidon.livejournal.com]

One assumes in Ciaro they speak Italian with a heavy Japanese accent (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ciao) and have lots of Cuchi-Cuchi... (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charo) (okay, whew, time to me to step away from the computer, it's been a looooong week and I'm clearly getting punchy... ;>)

[chelidon.livejournal.com]

The (sadly late) comedian Bill Hicks has a great little bit where he describes marketing people as (among other things) "Satan's little helpers." Looking at how advertising has insinuated itself into every space nook, cranny and moment of life, I have to say I can't fault his logic ;>

[snakey.livejournal.com]

"sign up among the first 500 people"

Well, I tried, but I got confused somewhere between Mechuyael and Arpachshad and then Tuval Cain pushed me out of line and it all went downhill from there. /biblical genealogy geeking.

I think it may be time for bed.

[chelidon.livejournal.com]

*grin*

Don't forget Lamech...