Never forget

[chelidon]

yezida posted a lovely pointed rant today, which triggered some resonant thoughts in me (link to comment is here). By coincidence, I had just been thinking
earlier today about a good chat yezida and I had a couple of weeks ago when I was on the left coast. In between wrestling with (and of course, solving ;>) all the problems of the universe, I remember talking about the double-edged sword of having the tendency to see people, situations and circumstances in their best light, the potential, in terms of what something or someone could be.

The positive side of this is that in part, by behaving as if things were as they could be, it helps manifest that reality. And it's quite true that we tend to rise or fall to the expectations others have of us, so putting ourselves into environments where people expect well of us, and expecting the best of other people and situations, helps, at least in some small way, to manifest it that way as well. Magickally, it has a good dollop of pragmatic virtue.

But, speaking personally, it has also led me to be very, very deeply disappointed at times, when the gap between what could be and what someone actually does, or what actually happens in the world, is so far from what could have been, what could be, what some one, some situation, some organization, group of people or government is capable of. The world is as it is...but that kind of fatalism ignores the fact that we are mighty: the world is also as we make it, day in and day out. We do have choices, we do reinvent ourselves and the world around us, we do have the power to change our lives, and the world around us. So one challenge for me is not to allow the profound, deep disappointments to turn into despair.

Another challenge, one of the biggest for me, is not to forget. I have found that, looking at the world, not through rose-coloured glasses exactly, but through the lens of the possible, I have a tendency to discount, minimize or just plain forget events and pieces of information which directly contradict that idealistic vision. I'm much more likely to see an individual event as an aberration, an anomaly, a happenstance, if looking at it head on means that I have to adjust my perspective in major ways. In other words, it becomes very convenient and easy for me to minimize, ignore and forget individual acts of "bad behavior," and then because of the comfortable forgetting, not see patterns emerge when they clearly exist. That becomes idealism, and encourages the creation and perpetuation of illusions.

I am convinced that this kind of dynamic is part of what allows people to ignore the wrong acts their country does, or their church or town or neighbors, or co-workers, colleagues, friends, family and so on. It's easier to look at each event in isolation, and not to process and forgive, or actually grapple with, or identify and change dysfunctional patterns, but simply forget. Time heals all wounds, things fade, all returns to "normal." But it doesn't. The damage is done, and events in the past are no less true for that, and the key question is, has anything changed? Things which aren't dealt with don't go away, they fester. What our country, our government, our compatriots, colleagues and we do, doesn't go away because time has passed. If we don't see it, grapple with it, and continue to grapple with it as long as it takes, if we don't actually change it, and change ourselves, if we don't remember, nothing really changes. And there are plenty of people out there who have a vested interest in distracting us, in repeating lies, presenting revisionist histories, rationalizing and justifying actions and causes that are unjust, unethical, unwise, wrong -- and, in the end, hoping that we all forget, yet again. Just turn the channel, eh? No thanks. It's far too easy to be fooled yet again, if you don't hold on to the lessons of the past.

For this new year, I make a commitment to remember. I will try to build my world-view at least as much as on what actually is and was, what actually happened, even those pieces I don't want to see, as on what could be. There is a balance point between being rooted in the actual past, and being free to move forward into the future and manifest what could and should be. Both pieces are necessary, both are important. I will seek that place of balance. To manifest change, to get where you want to go, first, you must know where you've been, and where you are. Each step into the future is grounded in the past and present. And I will not forget, just because it is easier for me to do so.

Comments

[rainysummerday.livejournal.com]

I too seem to have a fount of optimism that my dad refers to as my "rose colored glasses", but my response is that if you look for the good in people and situations you are much more likely to find it. Of course it is crushing when that promise isn't realized, either within myself or in others.

One deeper purpose of friendship I believe is to be there for each other so we don't fall into despair or at least help pull each other out, again and again if need be. I also think that the curse of awareness is the shadow of despair and I don't completely understand this, it seems painfully unfair and is a big part of my work.

[lylythe-strega.livejournal.com]

Thank you.