relationship thoughts
Jul. 29th, 2005 04:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chelidonMy partner and I had a discussion last night, one of those periodic check-in renegotiation touch base talks. One of the decisions we came to was to carve out more time together to have fun. Not that we don't have any, in fact we've had enough this past week that it made it clear we haven't been having enough, so there needs to be more. Not projects, not bills, not "family time," not "household hangout time," but just the two of us, out or in, doing something purely or largely fun. It's linked to my thought about membership in voluntary associations ("pedal democracy") and groups. A group can survive if it enables fun social interaction but doesn't do business -- it will tend not to survive if it does business, but the members have no fun doing it. That's human nature.
"Things to do" always expand to fill all available open time, plus some. And yes, all of that stuff is in some sense important. The bills must be paid, projects must get done, childcare must be planned, and so on. But time for the really important things has to come first. And the most important thing is love who you're with and be with who you love. Fun, ecstasy, mischievousness, spontaneity, laughter, wickedness, carefree time are all essential. They feed a relationship. They feed the individuals in a relationship, and they feed the magickal childe every relationship creates between all its members. If that child starves, the relationship starves. The energy of any successful long-term relationship has to flow in roughly equal measure, from each member, to each member, and to and from the magickal child, the egregore if you will, between them. Relationships are much too important to take seriously. Or rather, relationships simply must include a good dollop of serious fun. It is essential.
So at an absolute minimum, my partner and I will spend one night a week, one full day a month, one full week a year, just with each other, just having fun. That may not seem like a lot, but being realistic, there's child-rearing in there, a mountain of projects, commitments, obligations, and so on. But the fun comes first. And my own experience is that as like attracts like, fun begets yet more fun. As it must, as it should, as it will. So mote it be :)
"Things to do" always expand to fill all available open time, plus some. And yes, all of that stuff is in some sense important. The bills must be paid, projects must get done, childcare must be planned, and so on. But time for the really important things has to come first. And the most important thing is love who you're with and be with who you love. Fun, ecstasy, mischievousness, spontaneity, laughter, wickedness, carefree time are all essential. They feed a relationship. They feed the individuals in a relationship, and they feed the magickal childe every relationship creates between all its members. If that child starves, the relationship starves. The energy of any successful long-term relationship has to flow in roughly equal measure, from each member, to each member, and to and from the magickal child, the egregore if you will, between them. Relationships are much too important to take seriously. Or rather, relationships simply must include a good dollop of serious fun. It is essential.
So at an absolute minimum, my partner and I will spend one night a week, one full day a month, one full week a year, just with each other, just having fun. That may not seem like a lot, but being realistic, there's child-rearing in there, a mountain of projects, commitments, obligations, and so on. But the fun comes first. And my own experience is that as like attracts like, fun begets yet more fun. As it must, as it should, as it will. So mote it be :)
no subject
Date: 2005-07-30 09:01 pm (UTC)when brent and i talk about what to do, what to eat, where to go..i ask, "what do you want to do?"
it's as though there is some block there regarding my own pleasure and my own joy. do i remember you speaking about this sort of thing within yourself? if so, how did you go about changing it?