empathy and community
Apr. 26th, 2005 01:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chelidonThis started out as a comment to this thread in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
yezida's LJ, but it got too long to post, so I figured I'd just stick it here. Brevity is not one of my native strengths ;>
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yezida wrote:
And a more important question, circling back to Will: are we actually choosing anything? Or are our lives, loves, and spiritual paths just reactions? Is will a Will or just a won't?
Ah-yup, an important question, and one I've been thinking about a lot lately, in the context of "how do I want my intentional community to look in 5 years, what kind of place do I want to co-create," and my attention has turned a bit from logistics and practical physical issues, to what kind of society/community I'd like to be a part of, and what kind of people can make this work? And that's got me focused on what we say we stand for and believe and desire, versus what we actually put our energy into and manifest, and why there's so often a disconnect between the two. I think it does have to do with making positive, intentional choices about what we are for, and developing the very critical ability to bridge the gaps between our Selves and Others.
That long preamble aside, I've long felt it critical to be for something rather than merely opposed to something, to avoid becoming locked into an endless codependent energetic dance with that which we supposedly abhor. The same with our will/Will as with our causes and crusades -- if we don't know what we will, but only what we won't/don't, most of what we manifest will inevitably be shadows, reflections, avatars of what we are most afraid of or what we most despise. Bleah. There is a powerful kind of energy in opposition (and times when that is called for), but especially as part of a long-term pattern, it can often be vampiric/parasitic in nature, and comes, as you say, at a steep price.
The "new culture" I believe we (or some of us) aspire to, requires, above perhaps all else, genuine empathy -- the ability to get out of our own small-ego headspace and really connect deeply with those around us. It's not just about knowing all parts of ourselves, it's also about knowing ourselves by knowing those around us (which is all the same thing if you go far enough down the road to mysticism, of course...)
The problem is, we're not taught to be empathic, in fact quite the opposite. Much of our culture is all about ego glorification, getting what you need at the expense of others, knowing your "rights," playing that zero-sum game and making damn sure to get your personal slice. Or, sitting in front of some form of passive "entertainment," which is just another kind of easy ego gratification, and profoundly disconnected -- it's typically almost entirely a one-way experience, everything is incoming and/or internal, giving little or no practice in interaction. Incidentally, that's the spiritual model a lot of people grow up with, too. Our society is structured in ways which isolate and separate us, into smaller and smaller groups -- tribes become clans become extended families become nuclear families, become single individuals, seperate even from others in the same house. And even this lovely magical long-distance interaction we can do via email, LJ, etc, has a certain element of detachment to it, can separate as much as it can connect.
Genuine connection is a big part of what I sense many seem to yearn for, even if we can't put a name to it. We want to be plugged in, not only to our Selves, but to each Other, and to the Cosmos around us, and not just for a brief little slice of time. Many of us want "community," and a large part of what that comes down to, is being deeply, profoundly connected to one another. And that requires us to be capable of deeply, profoundly connecting to one another, which many people simply have insufficient experience, skill and inclination to do.
Because our society as it is, is all about the opposite -- "connected" means having an always-on cell phone and an iPod and a monster TV and broadband Internet connection (I say as someone who has 50% of these ;>) to fill every empty space with busywork and noise, when it could be about being able to sit quietly and be open with the universe, to genuinely open oneself to nature, to open oneself to another human being, and explore one another's souls, to truly put yourself in another's place, have consideration and empathy for them, and eventually, to learn that they and you are, in the end, the same stuff.
Even our "alternative spirituality" suffers from this ego-bias. How often do we teach about being our authentic Selves, speaking our Truths, being our own authority, and really knowing ourselves? That's fine as far as it goes, but the deeper problem, as I see it, is to learn how to empathize -- to deal with, feel, understand and participate in other people's authentic Selves, in a genuine community of authentic Selves. Seems to be a somewhat tougher nut to crack.
In a larger sense, the piece I believe we sometimes neglect on a metaphysical level is the piece about knowing our Will by putting our will in accordance with the Will of the multiverse -- not by ignoring the ego or trying to destroy it, but by recognizing that our Will and that of the universe is the same thing, that our "small-I" ego is one component of that larger Will, no more and no less than any other. Strengthening one's personal will, and coming to know it is grand...but it's only half, perhaps far less than half, of the whole. There's so much Will out there to learn ;>
I am reminded of the Taoist maxim that s/he who is one with the Tao does nothing, yet leaves nothing undone. That fits with a magickal paradox I've noted -- the more I put my Will and the will of the multiverse in accord, the less overt wrangling I seem to have to do with the universe. Synchronicity happens, "coincidence" happens, things fall into place. The more I align my Self with the universe, the more mySelf I am, and I spend more time being, and less doing. The danger here is the tendency towards passivity, but since my own flaws tend more towards too much acting/doing and not enough listening/being, I figure I can stand a little movement in this direction. It's a paradox, of course, as well as a balance, but most things of power are ;>
yezida's LJ, but it got too long to post, so I figured I'd just stick it here. Brevity is not one of my native strengths ;>-------
yezida wrote:And a more important question, circling back to Will: are we actually choosing anything? Or are our lives, loves, and spiritual paths just reactions? Is will a Will or just a won't?
Ah-yup, an important question, and one I've been thinking about a lot lately, in the context of "how do I want my intentional community to look in 5 years, what kind of place do I want to co-create," and my attention has turned a bit from logistics and practical physical issues, to what kind of society/community I'd like to be a part of, and what kind of people can make this work? And that's got me focused on what we say we stand for and believe and desire, versus what we actually put our energy into and manifest, and why there's so often a disconnect between the two. I think it does have to do with making positive, intentional choices about what we are for, and developing the very critical ability to bridge the gaps between our Selves and Others.
That long preamble aside, I've long felt it critical to be for something rather than merely opposed to something, to avoid becoming locked into an endless codependent energetic dance with that which we supposedly abhor. The same with our will/Will as with our causes and crusades -- if we don't know what we will, but only what we won't/don't, most of what we manifest will inevitably be shadows, reflections, avatars of what we are most afraid of or what we most despise. Bleah. There is a powerful kind of energy in opposition (and times when that is called for), but especially as part of a long-term pattern, it can often be vampiric/parasitic in nature, and comes, as you say, at a steep price.
The "new culture" I believe we (or some of us) aspire to, requires, above perhaps all else, genuine empathy -- the ability to get out of our own small-ego headspace and really connect deeply with those around us. It's not just about knowing all parts of ourselves, it's also about knowing ourselves by knowing those around us (which is all the same thing if you go far enough down the road to mysticism, of course...)
The problem is, we're not taught to be empathic, in fact quite the opposite. Much of our culture is all about ego glorification, getting what you need at the expense of others, knowing your "rights," playing that zero-sum game and making damn sure to get your personal slice. Or, sitting in front of some form of passive "entertainment," which is just another kind of easy ego gratification, and profoundly disconnected -- it's typically almost entirely a one-way experience, everything is incoming and/or internal, giving little or no practice in interaction. Incidentally, that's the spiritual model a lot of people grow up with, too. Our society is structured in ways which isolate and separate us, into smaller and smaller groups -- tribes become clans become extended families become nuclear families, become single individuals, seperate even from others in the same house. And even this lovely magical long-distance interaction we can do via email, LJ, etc, has a certain element of detachment to it, can separate as much as it can connect.
Genuine connection is a big part of what I sense many seem to yearn for, even if we can't put a name to it. We want to be plugged in, not only to our Selves, but to each Other, and to the Cosmos around us, and not just for a brief little slice of time. Many of us want "community," and a large part of what that comes down to, is being deeply, profoundly connected to one another. And that requires us to be capable of deeply, profoundly connecting to one another, which many people simply have insufficient experience, skill and inclination to do.
Because our society as it is, is all about the opposite -- "connected" means having an always-on cell phone and an iPod and a monster TV and broadband Internet connection (I say as someone who has 50% of these ;>) to fill every empty space with busywork and noise, when it could be about being able to sit quietly and be open with the universe, to genuinely open oneself to nature, to open oneself to another human being, and explore one another's souls, to truly put yourself in another's place, have consideration and empathy for them, and eventually, to learn that they and you are, in the end, the same stuff.
Even our "alternative spirituality" suffers from this ego-bias. How often do we teach about being our authentic Selves, speaking our Truths, being our own authority, and really knowing ourselves? That's fine as far as it goes, but the deeper problem, as I see it, is to learn how to empathize -- to deal with, feel, understand and participate in other people's authentic Selves, in a genuine community of authentic Selves. Seems to be a somewhat tougher nut to crack.
In a larger sense, the piece I believe we sometimes neglect on a metaphysical level is the piece about knowing our Will by putting our will in accordance with the Will of the multiverse -- not by ignoring the ego or trying to destroy it, but by recognizing that our Will and that of the universe is the same thing, that our "small-I" ego is one component of that larger Will, no more and no less than any other. Strengthening one's personal will, and coming to know it is grand...but it's only half, perhaps far less than half, of the whole. There's so much Will out there to learn ;>
I am reminded of the Taoist maxim that s/he who is one with the Tao does nothing, yet leaves nothing undone. That fits with a magickal paradox I've noted -- the more I put my Will and the will of the multiverse in accord, the less overt wrangling I seem to have to do with the universe. Synchronicity happens, "coincidence" happens, things fall into place. The more I align my Self with the universe, the more mySelf I am, and I spend more time being, and less doing. The danger here is the tendency towards passivity, but since my own flaws tend more towards too much acting/doing and not enough listening/being, I figure I can stand a little movement in this direction. It's a paradox, of course, as well as a balance, but most things of power are ;>
