gratitude and openness
Apr. 18th, 2005 08:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chelidonI was thinking about trying to post something deep and meaningful here, and so I started in on detailing my recent realization that Michael Jackson is in fact an Evil Killer Zombie Clown (it all fits -- the Thriller video, dead-thing skin pallor, reportedly missing nose tip and other body bits, frequent plastic surgery, increasingly shambling gait, and reported penchant for licking boy's heads -- must be BRAINS, must be FRESH -- it ALL FITS, I tell you....)
Ahem.
But instead, I was thinking about gratitude. Yes, gratitude, that overwhelming sense of deep thankfulness that floods though me whenever I think about how damn lucky I've been in my life, how many gifts and blessings have been given to me, are given to me constantly, are present all around me, whether I deserve them or not. Yes, I've also worked my ass off, too, but this isn't about that. Self-satisfaction at a job well-done or basking in the glow of deserved accomplishment involves a very different process than gratitude, in my experience.
Years ago, a woman named Pomegranate used to recite, "an attitude of gratitude is never just a platitude." Which, of course, being in the form of a platitude itself, is a somewhat self-negating and self-referential statement, so it tickles me no end. Anyway, it has been my experience that this statement is very true. There is nothing quite like genuine gratitude to keep the flow of good things happening throughout your life. And not just good things -- gratitude helps with all those things, good and bad, that life hands you along your journey, in large part because the practice of gratitude is a practice of deliberate, intentional openness.
One of my favorite and most practiced prayers to the Dark Mother whenever she smacks me upside the head with a Painful Lesson is, "Mother, thank you for your valuable lesson. May I learn it quickly and well, so that I NEVER HAVE TO GET IT AGAIN." Because, you see, if you don't learn it the first time, you don't get to go around it -- it will come back, again and again, often in increasingly powerful, painful and unmistakable ways, until you LEARN YOUR DAMN LESSON. Or until it kills you and She recycles your water and carbon to try again down the line with some other physical form perhaps a bit quicker on the uptake.
What really, truly seems to help me in dealing with life's lessons is focusing on the first part of that prayer, the part where I say, genuinely and without bitterness, rancor, or irony, "thank you for the generous gift of your lesson" I can't always get there, or at least not right away, but it's when I do get to the point where I am really, truly grateful for the harsh lessons, just as much as for the bounty and richness of ecstasy and joy in my life, that I know I'm actually learning what She had to teach me.
It all comes back to openness for me. If I react to the pain of life's harsher lessons by closing down, I'm not opening fully to the experience itself, not really allowing it to flow through me and in me, to change me and deeply transform me in ways I can't always anticipate or imagine, but which can allow my body and souls to truly learn whatever it was I was supposed to learn. The transformative power of the experience is valuable only insofar as I am willing to be open to it, to truly feel it and let it change me, no matter how much fear, pain or uncertainty there is around it. The courage to step fully into the transformative fires is one of the tools of the warrior.
One of the lessons of the Dark Mother is that she will quite happily rip you to shreds and devour you in true shamanic fashion, bit by bit, take you beyond anything you thought you could handle or sustain, and then reform you into something even more purely you, even stronger and clearer and more open than you were before, something you could not even have imagined you could be. Her gift of love is one which really, truly can be for our own good, no matter how unpleasant it may seem at the time. ToughLove don't begin to cover it ;> Her refining fires burn away the dross, melt to slag the hard crusty sticky bits that we carry around, and let us place only the best, truest alloy of ourselves into the forge to be shaped, hardened. pulled, twisted, molded and sharpened into that most glorious being that lies within us all.
The more you flinch, turn away, and close down to Her lessons, the less good they do, the longer it takes to learn them, the more times you have to run through the same tired old scenarios again and again, and ultimately, the worse it hurts in the long-run as you plod along slowly though an endless labyrinth of familiar old pains. The definition of insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results comes into play here. If what you are doing doesn't work, do something different. If the same lessons come up again and again, you're probably not fully opening to them, not allowing yourself to be transformed as much as you could be, as much as you need to be, to learn them, then let GO of them, and MOVE ON.
Letting go is essential, too. We can become dedicated devotees to our comfortable discomforts, loyal repeat-customers of lessons we should have long ago received, processed, and then let fall away. Instead, it's a maddeningly easy pattern to avoid the real work by diving back in and repeating well-worn dances of painful sameness, to shackle yourself to the patterns of the past instead of stepping ahead freely into the future. This is one case where "better the devil you know than the devil you don't" is absolutely not true. Make your mistakes, learn your lessons, and give yourself the delicious and terrifying freedom to go make new, more imaginative and creative mistakes. There will always be more, no worries -- making new mistakes and learning new lessons from them is one of the sure ways you know you're actually alive and truly living your life.
As has been wisely spoken, "the perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum," and as finite embodied beings in an infinite universe, there really is no end to the bizarre, wonderous capacity of the universe to surprise, astonish, and teach us, every step of the way. It really is all about the journey. There is no final step -- it never ends, but it can change, and that's one of the secrets of the journey -- moving, learning, growing, choosing, acting, exploring and blazing your own trackless path through the wilderness, finding new vistas, making new mistakes, learning new lessons, and continuing on with the journey. By growing, changing, being deeply open to the richness and potential of the delightful bounty and the painful lessons, and letting yourself be transformed by both, you can fully engage in the unending process of continual becoming that is the essence of being human.
May I dare to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in my life, choosing to open fully to all of the beauty, wonder, lessons, pain, delight, humor, surprise, sorrow and hope which are there to be experienced along the path. And may I experience and be transformed by it all, then move on, with deep, deep gratitude for every single precious bit. Because... (all together now!) "An attitude of gratitude is never just a platitude." ;>
Ahem.
But instead, I was thinking about gratitude. Yes, gratitude, that overwhelming sense of deep thankfulness that floods though me whenever I think about how damn lucky I've been in my life, how many gifts and blessings have been given to me, are given to me constantly, are present all around me, whether I deserve them or not. Yes, I've also worked my ass off, too, but this isn't about that. Self-satisfaction at a job well-done or basking in the glow of deserved accomplishment involves a very different process than gratitude, in my experience.
Years ago, a woman named Pomegranate used to recite, "an attitude of gratitude is never just a platitude." Which, of course, being in the form of a platitude itself, is a somewhat self-negating and self-referential statement, so it tickles me no end. Anyway, it has been my experience that this statement is very true. There is nothing quite like genuine gratitude to keep the flow of good things happening throughout your life. And not just good things -- gratitude helps with all those things, good and bad, that life hands you along your journey, in large part because the practice of gratitude is a practice of deliberate, intentional openness.
One of my favorite and most practiced prayers to the Dark Mother whenever she smacks me upside the head with a Painful Lesson is, "Mother, thank you for your valuable lesson. May I learn it quickly and well, so that I NEVER HAVE TO GET IT AGAIN." Because, you see, if you don't learn it the first time, you don't get to go around it -- it will come back, again and again, often in increasingly powerful, painful and unmistakable ways, until you LEARN YOUR DAMN LESSON. Or until it kills you and She recycles your water and carbon to try again down the line with some other physical form perhaps a bit quicker on the uptake.
What really, truly seems to help me in dealing with life's lessons is focusing on the first part of that prayer, the part where I say, genuinely and without bitterness, rancor, or irony, "thank you for the generous gift of your lesson" I can't always get there, or at least not right away, but it's when I do get to the point where I am really, truly grateful for the harsh lessons, just as much as for the bounty and richness of ecstasy and joy in my life, that I know I'm actually learning what She had to teach me.
It all comes back to openness for me. If I react to the pain of life's harsher lessons by closing down, I'm not opening fully to the experience itself, not really allowing it to flow through me and in me, to change me and deeply transform me in ways I can't always anticipate or imagine, but which can allow my body and souls to truly learn whatever it was I was supposed to learn. The transformative power of the experience is valuable only insofar as I am willing to be open to it, to truly feel it and let it change me, no matter how much fear, pain or uncertainty there is around it. The courage to step fully into the transformative fires is one of the tools of the warrior.
One of the lessons of the Dark Mother is that she will quite happily rip you to shreds and devour you in true shamanic fashion, bit by bit, take you beyond anything you thought you could handle or sustain, and then reform you into something even more purely you, even stronger and clearer and more open than you were before, something you could not even have imagined you could be. Her gift of love is one which really, truly can be for our own good, no matter how unpleasant it may seem at the time. ToughLove don't begin to cover it ;> Her refining fires burn away the dross, melt to slag the hard crusty sticky bits that we carry around, and let us place only the best, truest alloy of ourselves into the forge to be shaped, hardened. pulled, twisted, molded and sharpened into that most glorious being that lies within us all.
The more you flinch, turn away, and close down to Her lessons, the less good they do, the longer it takes to learn them, the more times you have to run through the same tired old scenarios again and again, and ultimately, the worse it hurts in the long-run as you plod along slowly though an endless labyrinth of familiar old pains. The definition of insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results comes into play here. If what you are doing doesn't work, do something different. If the same lessons come up again and again, you're probably not fully opening to them, not allowing yourself to be transformed as much as you could be, as much as you need to be, to learn them, then let GO of them, and MOVE ON.
Letting go is essential, too. We can become dedicated devotees to our comfortable discomforts, loyal repeat-customers of lessons we should have long ago received, processed, and then let fall away. Instead, it's a maddeningly easy pattern to avoid the real work by diving back in and repeating well-worn dances of painful sameness, to shackle yourself to the patterns of the past instead of stepping ahead freely into the future. This is one case where "better the devil you know than the devil you don't" is absolutely not true. Make your mistakes, learn your lessons, and give yourself the delicious and terrifying freedom to go make new, more imaginative and creative mistakes. There will always be more, no worries -- making new mistakes and learning new lessons from them is one of the sure ways you know you're actually alive and truly living your life.
As has been wisely spoken, "the perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum," and as finite embodied beings in an infinite universe, there really is no end to the bizarre, wonderous capacity of the universe to surprise, astonish, and teach us, every step of the way. It really is all about the journey. There is no final step -- it never ends, but it can change, and that's one of the secrets of the journey -- moving, learning, growing, choosing, acting, exploring and blazing your own trackless path through the wilderness, finding new vistas, making new mistakes, learning new lessons, and continuing on with the journey. By growing, changing, being deeply open to the richness and potential of the delightful bounty and the painful lessons, and letting yourself be transformed by both, you can fully engage in the unending process of continual becoming that is the essence of being human.
May I dare to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in my life, choosing to open fully to all of the beauty, wonder, lessons, pain, delight, humor, surprise, sorrow and hope which are there to be experienced along the path. And may I experience and be transformed by it all, then move on, with deep, deep gratitude for every single precious bit. Because... (all together now!) "An attitude of gratitude is never just a platitude." ;>
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 03:15 pm (UTC)I so completely find this to be true. My biggest growth as a human has come in the wake of some pretty dark and destructive things. Working with the Morrighan isn't a walk in the park and when I see Her coming, I know it's time to breathe deep and open my eyes. Trying to explain this is a challenge. I think some people (and I'm one) really have to experience it before truly "getting" it.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 03:15 pm (UTC)Oh, yes, indeed. Amen.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 03:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 04:02 pm (UTC)Seriously, my life is so blessed, I am amazed. I thank the Gods every day. Every day. Because no matter what the hardship du jour is, I am still blessed.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 04:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 04:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 04:27 pm (UTC)There's something about it that's opening a way for me into my will, with which I'm working this week. There's a lot of fear in looking at this, which of course means that I need to go wherever this road takes me. I will remember to remain open to whatever I see (and especially the things in the shadowy corners).
no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 05:10 pm (UTC)In retrospect, it was the fear of tears, and of being perceived as vulnerable or having human needs that was the true weakness, and the strength came in letting go of that illusion, and being able to let myself feel whatever the hell I needed to feel ;> All hail the strength and power of our body's water, of living tears!
no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 05:32 pm (UTC)Thank you for your post.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 07:42 pm (UTC)Oh yes, and yes. So thankful, so many blessings. Hardships, yes, and even they are blessings, in their manner. It seems to me that gratitude is a pragmatic stance that feeds us, feeds and encourages happiness and abundance and hope. Sure it is in these times, we need such gifts.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-19 07:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 01:32 am (UTC)How's that, all you alliteration fans out there? ;>
no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 02:23 am (UTC)The sorrow which has no vent in tears will make other organs weep. ~ Henry Maudsley
no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 11:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 01:00 pm (UTC)May Foolish faith and courage attend you along your sacred path, you holy warrior you!
no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-22 03:38 am (UTC)Hear, hear!!
Date: 2005-04-23 12:22 am (UTC)The Dark Mother is a terrifying guardian, when she comes to take your hand; but at 32 years old, I already know that I'm very grateful for all the interesting times she's led me kicking and screaming through.
Dark mother always gliding near with soft feet,
Have none chanted for thee a chant of fullest welcome?
Then I chant it for thee, I glorify thee above all,
I bring thee a song that when thou must indeed come, come unfalteringly.
Walt Whitman 'When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom'd'
But right now, I'm mainly grateful to Draig Athar for frequently pointing me in the direction of your live journal; and for you, for writing it.
yours
Mab
xxxxx