unlearning bad habits
Jan. 11th, 2008 12:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chelidonSo after my screed on making time for love (self-love and other-love) the other day, I started trying to put it into practice. For the last two days, I've consciously tried to stop multi-tasking whenever I'm interacting with someone I care about.
And damn but it's hard, and habits are hard to break. I keep having to take notice, slow down, focus, and stop automatically multi-tasking. For example, I was talking to my Ravishing Partner on the phone while at work yesterday, and I finally just had to close the cover on the laptop so I would stop repeatedly glancing up at my email queue and schedule for the day. I am going to focus on one. person. at. a. time. Argh.
It really wasn't fully clear to me until I tried to stop, just how much of a compulsive multi-tasker I have become, just how split my attention is, not just some of the time, but most of the time. Being busy is no excuse for making shallow human connections, in small or large ways. I am consciously trying to look people in the eyes when I pass them in the hall and say hello, consciously not looking at my watch when talking to people (I mean, how rude!), consciously not letting my mind wander to other issues and the rest of my day/week/month when I'm dealing with people. And just a couple of days into it, I like the results, the increased depth of connectedness I feel.
This kind of thing is probably harder for some folks than others (especially those of us with perhaps more than a wee tendency towards ADD), but by the gods, what![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mystfemme said the other day is spot-on -- as a culture, we are all ADD, our norm has become, more and more, splitting ourselves, our time and our attention into smaller and smaller bits. That's not natural, and I don't think it's healthy. We are built to connect, to focus and be present and be real with one another, and it really does make a difference.
So, for me, part of my daily practice right now is focus, and in particular on people -- one at a time, and just being there. It may not be as "efficient," but it seems to me that it's a whole lot more real.
And damn but it's hard, and habits are hard to break. I keep having to take notice, slow down, focus, and stop automatically multi-tasking. For example, I was talking to my Ravishing Partner on the phone while at work yesterday, and I finally just had to close the cover on the laptop so I would stop repeatedly glancing up at my email queue and schedule for the day. I am going to focus on one. person. at. a. time. Argh.
It really wasn't fully clear to me until I tried to stop, just how much of a compulsive multi-tasker I have become, just how split my attention is, not just some of the time, but most of the time. Being busy is no excuse for making shallow human connections, in small or large ways. I am consciously trying to look people in the eyes when I pass them in the hall and say hello, consciously not looking at my watch when talking to people (I mean, how rude!), consciously not letting my mind wander to other issues and the rest of my day/week/month when I'm dealing with people. And just a couple of days into it, I like the results, the increased depth of connectedness I feel.
This kind of thing is probably harder for some folks than others (especially those of us with perhaps more than a wee tendency towards ADD), but by the gods, what
mystfemme said the other day is spot-on -- as a culture, we are all ADD, our norm has become, more and more, splitting ourselves, our time and our attention into smaller and smaller bits. That's not natural, and I don't think it's healthy. We are built to connect, to focus and be present and be real with one another, and it really does make a difference.So, for me, part of my daily practice right now is focus, and in particular on people -- one at a time, and just being there. It may not be as "efficient," but it seems to me that it's a whole lot more real.
