time, and time again
Jan. 8th, 2008 01:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chelidonThis focus on patterns, time, and love came out of a brief reply I wrote today to a friend who has been through very hard times lately, and who through it all, had the clarity and insight to make a vow to be more fully present with those people who matter. I figured the least I could do was to pass it on, for any of you who, like me, frequently need to be reminded to breathe. And to sit, and listen, and make space, and allow time. And figure out who and what really matters, and who in your life really deserves your undivided and full attention. Starting with yourself. Slow it down, make space, focus with intent on those you love, one at a time, starting with you.
Real love takes time. It always has, it always will.
So simple, so powerful...so easy to forget. I try to give this to you. I try to give this to me.
I'm again far behind in email and personal correspondence, and I hate that, because I know important things, having to do with people who are important to me, could well fall between the cracks...and because I'm tired of the constant juggling. The problem isn't that I am poor at juggling, the problem is that no matter how good I get at juggling, and how many balls I can keep up in the air, there's always an insidious, insistent pressure to do just a little more, to keep adding more things, as if "normal" was supposed to mean "right at, or just beyond the breaking point." No, no, no: "normal" means "in healthy sustainable balance." And I am still not there.
This year I was thinking I might cut back on teaching, to focus more time on family, land, hobbies, art, and perhaps, just perhaps, give myself more free time. Now I look ahead and note that there is not a single month from now through late Fall when I'm not teaching and/or hosting one or more workshops, camps, Restoratives, initiation, or otherwise taking on some other major class or event. And each single piece individually is fine, and it's all really good work. But taken as a group, along with full-time career and family, the many house and land projects, and some necessary fitness and fun...as a pattern it says that I'm still taking on too much, and still not leaving enough space between the notes. Salsa and paso-doble are fine in short bursts, but a pavane or a good long slow-dance are really, really nice, too, as are occasional long periods of silence and stillness.
If you dance too fast, you lose the chance to be truly intimate with yourself, much less with anyone else.
Last year the Guardians told me quite clearly that if I wanted ease, I had to be fierce, and of course, they were absolutely right. The blade of discernment must be kept sharp, and wielded with skill, and without undue sentiment, but also with a sense of compassion, for oneself and others. And sometimes compassion means being fiercely ruthless. When the garden and the orchard grow too fast, it's time to prune, fiercely. Too much can be worse than not enough.
That's part of the work, learning to respect Time, and in the very same way, to show genuine respect and care for people, something which is so very, very key to being fully human and in healthy community with others. It's hard to buck the trend, to go against the tide, to focus more and not less, but underneath the everbusy and always-stress, there's a deeper, richer current, a more healthy rhythm to live by, and I'm trying to learn (and unlearn), to be a better friend, a more genuinely engaged person, to be present with those I choose to show care for, and to share time with. One step for me is realizing, remembering, that some things are just wrong, and among those are things that can so easily become second-nature, like IM-ing or emailing one person while talking to another, or checking stuff on the web while talking to someone on the phone, and not giving my full attention to anyone. Being fully present means stopping the constant multi-tasking, and focusing, for a while, on one person, one situation at a time. Hard for anyone, doubly-hard for a parent (those of you who are parents will know what I mean, "eyes in the back of your head" and all...), but essential. In the same way as meditation is about dealing with the constant inner yammer, being fully present is about dealing with the constant outer yammer.
I can choose to cut people out of my life who aren't respectful of me and my time (and that's a hard, but essential lesson that I'm still learning), but what that process of "cleaning house" now brings to mind is that I do the same damn rude and disrespectful things myself sometimes. I think I'd rather be a good friend, a good lover, a good teacher or counsellor, to fewer, than a poor one to many.
Who, and what, really, truly matters? That's such an important choice to make with clear intent. Starting with yourself. Know that you matter, you deserve for others to be good to you, and to be treated well and with respect, and you completely and totally deserve that respect and consideration from yourself. Then just move outwards from there -- others deserve the same kind of respect, the gift of being present, the gift of your focus and time. What matters, deserves your time, and your full, undivided attention. Just for a little while, try it.
Love takes time. And it's always time for love.
Real love takes time. It always has, it always will.
So simple, so powerful...so easy to forget. I try to give this to you. I try to give this to me.
I'm again far behind in email and personal correspondence, and I hate that, because I know important things, having to do with people who are important to me, could well fall between the cracks...and because I'm tired of the constant juggling. The problem isn't that I am poor at juggling, the problem is that no matter how good I get at juggling, and how many balls I can keep up in the air, there's always an insidious, insistent pressure to do just a little more, to keep adding more things, as if "normal" was supposed to mean "right at, or just beyond the breaking point." No, no, no: "normal" means "in healthy sustainable balance." And I am still not there.
This year I was thinking I might cut back on teaching, to focus more time on family, land, hobbies, art, and perhaps, just perhaps, give myself more free time. Now I look ahead and note that there is not a single month from now through late Fall when I'm not teaching and/or hosting one or more workshops, camps, Restoratives, initiation, or otherwise taking on some other major class or event. And each single piece individually is fine, and it's all really good work. But taken as a group, along with full-time career and family, the many house and land projects, and some necessary fitness and fun...as a pattern it says that I'm still taking on too much, and still not leaving enough space between the notes. Salsa and paso-doble are fine in short bursts, but a pavane or a good long slow-dance are really, really nice, too, as are occasional long periods of silence and stillness.
If you dance too fast, you lose the chance to be truly intimate with yourself, much less with anyone else.
Last year the Guardians told me quite clearly that if I wanted ease, I had to be fierce, and of course, they were absolutely right. The blade of discernment must be kept sharp, and wielded with skill, and without undue sentiment, but also with a sense of compassion, for oneself and others. And sometimes compassion means being fiercely ruthless. When the garden and the orchard grow too fast, it's time to prune, fiercely. Too much can be worse than not enough.
That's part of the work, learning to respect Time, and in the very same way, to show genuine respect and care for people, something which is so very, very key to being fully human and in healthy community with others. It's hard to buck the trend, to go against the tide, to focus more and not less, but underneath the everbusy and always-stress, there's a deeper, richer current, a more healthy rhythm to live by, and I'm trying to learn (and unlearn), to be a better friend, a more genuinely engaged person, to be present with those I choose to show care for, and to share time with. One step for me is realizing, remembering, that some things are just wrong, and among those are things that can so easily become second-nature, like IM-ing or emailing one person while talking to another, or checking stuff on the web while talking to someone on the phone, and not giving my full attention to anyone. Being fully present means stopping the constant multi-tasking, and focusing, for a while, on one person, one situation at a time. Hard for anyone, doubly-hard for a parent (those of you who are parents will know what I mean, "eyes in the back of your head" and all...), but essential. In the same way as meditation is about dealing with the constant inner yammer, being fully present is about dealing with the constant outer yammer.
I can choose to cut people out of my life who aren't respectful of me and my time (and that's a hard, but essential lesson that I'm still learning), but what that process of "cleaning house" now brings to mind is that I do the same damn rude and disrespectful things myself sometimes. I think I'd rather be a good friend, a good lover, a good teacher or counsellor, to fewer, than a poor one to many.
Who, and what, really, truly matters? That's such an important choice to make with clear intent. Starting with yourself. Know that you matter, you deserve for others to be good to you, and to be treated well and with respect, and you completely and totally deserve that respect and consideration from yourself. Then just move outwards from there -- others deserve the same kind of respect, the gift of being present, the gift of your focus and time. What matters, deserves your time, and your full, undivided attention. Just for a little while, try it.
Love takes time. And it's always time for love.
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no subject
Date: 2008-01-29 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 02:21 pm (UTC)