1. Being here now. 2. Whoop.
Oct. 12th, 2007 03:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chelidonI notice that many, many things that once seemed quite important to me, are much less so now. Some examples: history and genealogy, learning ever-more interesting and obscure details about where and who I came from, and certain particular ethnic parts of my lineage that always intrigued me, stuff that I used to pour through endlessly, doesn't stir much interest lately. And travel to faraway places, even places I've known in the past to deeply call to my soul, has dropped way, way back on my priority list. Just a year or three ago, it wasn't so much that way. Likewise, certain abstract branches of esoterica don't keep my attention long -- I've got bookshelves full of stuff that I know and remember reading, but that don't remotely tempt me to reread or pursue further at present.
And I notice that I'm turning down a lot of offers to teach lately -- camps, workshops, classes. With the exception of a few (okay, more than a few...) special cases -- helping to grow new communities, teaching teachers, events with or for personal friends, events on my own land with hand-picked teams -- other than those, in general, I'm just not making those kinds of time-intensive commitments anymore. And I wonder why that is. Yes, I've had a few bad experiences in recent years, with projections, rumors, nastiness and backstabbings that I did not deserve or earn, and you know, life is just too short to be wasting energy in those kinds of games, with those kinds of people. But for every bad experience, there were a number of good ones, so I know it's not just that.
My partner of coming-up-on-23-years reminds me that I do tend to go through "hermitic" cycles -- more inward for a while, more outward for a while, rinse, repeat. And it's very true, we all have our cycles, and she's known me long enough to know that's one of mine.
But the common thread to where I am now seems to be the simple realization, deep, deep in my bones, that there truly is no more magic time than "now," and no more magic place than "here." And I don't need to look to the distant past or distant lands for inspiration, for myths and stories, for a sense of who I am...that's all right here.
Right here, right now, is where my story lives, and it is exactly the world I want to live in -- in fact, it's the only world I truly can inhabit. I don't need to go anywhere else to feel magic alive everywhere around me, to live life to the very fullest, to be surrounded by dear family and deeply loved ones, to feel the lifeforce flowing full-power in my life, in my bones, in every single point of my being. With a very few exceptions, all of the time, money, energy, that I could choose to focus elsewhere seems like a distraction from my Work. And it's true -- every dollar, every minute, every thought I spend elsewhere is one that won't be spent building this dream, this community, this foundation of my own life, here and now.
What I seek truly is within me, and lives fully within the present. Immanence is where you are, and where you are is right here. I've been saying it for a good number of years, and I think that it's finally, finally actually starting to sink in. Slow learner, I guess.
So I'm building, literally and figuratively, a Hermitage in the wild -- land, gardens, relationships, family, career -- not for someday, but for now.
Building and creating can become just as much a mistaken way to live in the future and avoid the present as mere wishing. I love what I'm building, but I notice that the building is as much about the journey as any destination. Yes, specific deadlines help keep me focused. But it's not about all of that someday stuff. It's as much about the experience of doing it, and who I'm doing it with, and how doing it changes me, as it is about getting to some imagined goal-state. In fact, the more I let go of where precisely I'm going, and focus on living and doing now, the better the outcome seems to turn out. And it seems like the further the Work goes on, the more allies I find -- people right nearby who have been doing much what I'm doing, 5, 10, 20 years. I hope I can learn from them, and make interesting new mistakes instead of boring old ones ;>
So for an event we're hosting in November, I'm part-way through renovating the barn, with a big high-efficiency wood stove, insulation, wood flooring, bunk beds and good-quality camp mattresses in the old stalls, and a new 32x12x14 garage-shelter to hold the tractor, backhoe and other tractor-y bits and attachments, which used to live in the barn. And some kitchen renovations -- new 5-burner semi-industrial gas cooktop, more plates and bowls, utensils, etc., with the kitchen island and other finishing touches next year. Next Spring, there's a 30' yurt coming, and showers to build, and a free composting toilet from a friend, and series of events all year that I'm thrilled to be putting on and teaching at.
And, through it all, it's about now. As they used to say way back in the '90s:
"Whoop...dey it is."
Or a good number of years before that:
"YAWP!"
Ah-yup.
And I notice that I'm turning down a lot of offers to teach lately -- camps, workshops, classes. With the exception of a few (okay, more than a few...) special cases -- helping to grow new communities, teaching teachers, events with or for personal friends, events on my own land with hand-picked teams -- other than those, in general, I'm just not making those kinds of time-intensive commitments anymore. And I wonder why that is. Yes, I've had a few bad experiences in recent years, with projections, rumors, nastiness and backstabbings that I did not deserve or earn, and you know, life is just too short to be wasting energy in those kinds of games, with those kinds of people. But for every bad experience, there were a number of good ones, so I know it's not just that.
My partner of coming-up-on-23-years reminds me that I do tend to go through "hermitic" cycles -- more inward for a while, more outward for a while, rinse, repeat. And it's very true, we all have our cycles, and she's known me long enough to know that's one of mine.
But the common thread to where I am now seems to be the simple realization, deep, deep in my bones, that there truly is no more magic time than "now," and no more magic place than "here." And I don't need to look to the distant past or distant lands for inspiration, for myths and stories, for a sense of who I am...that's all right here.
Right here, right now, is where my story lives, and it is exactly the world I want to live in -- in fact, it's the only world I truly can inhabit. I don't need to go anywhere else to feel magic alive everywhere around me, to live life to the very fullest, to be surrounded by dear family and deeply loved ones, to feel the lifeforce flowing full-power in my life, in my bones, in every single point of my being. With a very few exceptions, all of the time, money, energy, that I could choose to focus elsewhere seems like a distraction from my Work. And it's true -- every dollar, every minute, every thought I spend elsewhere is one that won't be spent building this dream, this community, this foundation of my own life, here and now.
What I seek truly is within me, and lives fully within the present. Immanence is where you are, and where you are is right here. I've been saying it for a good number of years, and I think that it's finally, finally actually starting to sink in. Slow learner, I guess.
So I'm building, literally and figuratively, a Hermitage in the wild -- land, gardens, relationships, family, career -- not for someday, but for now.
Building and creating can become just as much a mistaken way to live in the future and avoid the present as mere wishing. I love what I'm building, but I notice that the building is as much about the journey as any destination. Yes, specific deadlines help keep me focused. But it's not about all of that someday stuff. It's as much about the experience of doing it, and who I'm doing it with, and how doing it changes me, as it is about getting to some imagined goal-state. In fact, the more I let go of where precisely I'm going, and focus on living and doing now, the better the outcome seems to turn out. And it seems like the further the Work goes on, the more allies I find -- people right nearby who have been doing much what I'm doing, 5, 10, 20 years. I hope I can learn from them, and make interesting new mistakes instead of boring old ones ;>
So for an event we're hosting in November, I'm part-way through renovating the barn, with a big high-efficiency wood stove, insulation, wood flooring, bunk beds and good-quality camp mattresses in the old stalls, and a new 32x12x14 garage-shelter to hold the tractor, backhoe and other tractor-y bits and attachments, which used to live in the barn. And some kitchen renovations -- new 5-burner semi-industrial gas cooktop, more plates and bowls, utensils, etc., with the kitchen island and other finishing touches next year. Next Spring, there's a 30' yurt coming, and showers to build, and a free composting toilet from a friend, and series of events all year that I'm thrilled to be putting on and teaching at.
And, through it all, it's about now. As they used to say way back in the '90s:
"Whoop...dey it is."
Or a good number of years before that:
"YAWP!"
Ah-yup.
